Quote:
Barry: We'd like to renew the series.
Jimmy: Fantastic, tell us which year you'd like to host and we'll take the other one.
Barry: Actually, we weren't planning on making the trip to Milwaukee to play you guys at all in the series.
Jimmy: Okay, well I can see this is going to be a very short meeting.
Barry: We don't feel that it's in our program's best interest to give up the benefits of a home game in a game with a mid-major, intrastate or not.
Jimmy: Well, it's not in my program's best interest to give up the benefits of a home game in a series, regardless of the opponent's level or location.
Barry: I can understand that. If we were willing to sign a six-year series, with five games in Madison and one in Milwaukee, does that sound all right?
Jimmy: Unfortunately it doesn't, Barry. I understand how you feel; if I were running such a large program, I know I'd want to have the upper hand in a series as far as home games are concerned. Recognizing this, I'm willing to make a concession. How is this for a solution? We can have a series with two games in Madison and two games in Milwaukee.
Barry: How does this give us the upper hand in the series?
Jimmy: I'm glad you asked that, Barry. See, both games in Madison will take place in the Kohl Center. However, in Milwaukee, only one of the games will be played at the Arena. The other game will be played at the new downtown Arena, on the Bucks home court. This is a fantastic deal and I'm really happy that we're able to satisfy both fan bases.
Barry: That's not going to satisfy my fan base. That's still two games in Milwaukee. I'll humor you, though. What would we do with the gate from the Bucks Arena game?
Jimmy: Since that is our home game, we would retain the profit from the gate. But I can see how you feel like you need some more concessions, so in the spirit of conciliation I'll give you the option of making the profits on concession sales.
Barry: That wouldn't be nearly enough, you're dreaming.
Jimmy: You know what, you're right. I can give you more. How about we split the profits from the ticket sales down the middle?
Barry: I don't think you're hearing me. I'm willing to have less of a commitment. How about another 4-for-1 series?
Jimmy: That would definitely be fair, yes. I'll even let you pick the year.
Barry: What am I picking?
Jimmy: I'll let you pick the year the game is in Madison. The other four we'll do in Milwaukee.
Barry: Are you even listening to me?
Jimmy: Of course! I thought we were looking for a fair agreement. It looks to me as though the previous contracts - a 4-for-1 followed by what amounts to a 7-for-2 - were hosted frequently in Madison. In the interest of tipping the scales for Lady Justice (I love her mural in the Capitol building), I thought you were looking to even it out.
Barry: That's ridiculous. We're in the Big Ten. You're in the Horizon League.
Jimmy: Yes. I don't know what you mean.
Barry: We're a high-major; and not just any high-major, but one with a $150 million budget and multiple Final Fours in the last few years.
Jimmy: Oh that's cool. Are you inviting us to join the Big Ten?
Barry: What? Are you really that dense?
Jimmy: I'm just trying to find out how it benefits my program to make us essentially fill out a lease for a locker room in the Kohl Center. You have a great program, I'm not going to tell you that you're not. But you're going to have to get it through your head that you are doing what's best for your program. I'm doing what's best for mine. There is absolutely a benefit to playing the Wisconsin Badgers in men's basketball. It's our flagship sport. Many of our fans are also Badger fans. There's plenty of local interest in the outcome of such a game.
Barry: So why not play us in a series that recognizes the differences in our programs?
Jimmy: Here's the thing - you value your program. I value mine. It wasn't all that long ago that the Fieldhouse at UW was less than half-full for men's basketball games - you should know, you were working there. My goal is to stand in the future and look upon these years with the same sense of pride in how far we've come. You've been to a couple Final Fours recently; that's wonderful. I want to do that too.
*Barry snickers*
Jimmy: Really? Because it wasn't all that long ago your Big Ten Badgers went on a 47-year hiatus between NCAA Tournament appearances. You can say that in this moment we're in two very different places as programs, and that's correct. But your program didn't climb out of that rut by signing a 4-for-1 with Duke. You climbed out of it by investing in the program. The Kohl Center was a great jump start for a stagnant program - it helped Dick Bennett recruit the players that hung that Final Four banner in 2000. They didn't spend their careers going to Cameron Indoor every year because of the "differences," just as I'm not going to sign a deal that forces my guys to bus up to Madison every December.
*Barry makes a mental note to get alumni legislators to kill Milwaukee practice facility*
Jimmy: Like it or not, I value my program just as you value yours. It's about time that Milwaukee starts working for Milwaukee. So, all jokes aside, if you're ready to sign a 2-for-1, let's do it. There's your concession. I will concede that due to the benefit of playing your program being more substantial for us, we'll play one game at home and two games on the road. Anything more heavily weighted in Bucky's favor and it doesn't make sense for Pounce.
Barry: Okay then. I guess if I want something done, I'm just going to have to call Amanda Braun.
Jimmy: Too late, she gave away those dates in a 2-for-1 with Eastern Michigan.
In negotiating with Marquette or Wisconsin, whoever sits on our side of the table has to value our program at the level we strive to be. Because if the plan is to just sign something because some sore fans want to play the Badgers or Golden Eagles again, then all that talk about Jeter and his staff not doing good enough is a load of ********.